Sunday, February 28, 2016

We Wear Purple

 Last year in March, we marched through the Phoenix Zoo to support the National Eating Disorder Association.

It was important to me. I wanted to share this memory with my children and teach them an age appropriate amount about eating disorders and how they can affect anyone.

Anyone.
This year, I wasn't sure I wanted to speak up about NEDA week because it's been an incredibly messy year but then I remembered...I don't do this just for me. I do this for my kids and for others who may be suffering or who don't know a whole lot about eating disorders.

And so we woke up on Wednesday and put our purple on.
 And throughout the day, I felt this surge of bravery for this recovery thing I've been trying to do for years.

It still wasn't an easy day. There are so many things that are different than this same time last year. There has been a lot of behind-the-scenes trauma.

But I'm just as worthy as the rest of the people in this world. I am brave enough to speak up and find JOY amidst really hard things.

So because of that, we still acknowledged NEDA week...


...some of us a little bit more permanently than others. {I'm seriously obsessed with my purple hair...THANK YOU, Jenny Brown!} 

Eating disorder awareness is important. 

My body image is something I've struggled with my entire life, even as a young child. I often wish I could go back in time and give that beautiful little Suzanne a hug and tell her how worthy she is.

Although this year has been really messy, I feel like this week, today, this very second, I am so much closer to healing and recovery than ever before.

I used to think that being skinny was the only thing that could make me happy. I thought that once I was 'x' amount of weight, I'd be good enough and worthy enough to date and possibly get remarried.
Sometimes, I still believe those things. 
But they are lies. And lately, I've been working hard to think positively about myself when I look in the mirror.

My children will notice. And because I love them so dearly and want them to love themselves, I'm fighting for myself.

No matter what storms try to rage, I will still be fighting.

Always and forever, I will fight to love myself.

Because warriors don't give up.